Saturday mornings

I am afraid that James has inherited the worst sleep habits from each parent. I would typically characterize him as a night owl, like Jeremy. He has a very hard time getting to sleep at night, sometimes lying awake in his dark room for an hour or more. Many (including his pediatrician) have suggested to me, "Well, then he must not be tired - don't make him go to bed so early." But I am the one who has to wake him up in the mornings for school, and he is definitely needing more sleep. I drag him, protesting, from his bed on school days, and he staggers about in a funk for quite a while.  Since school starts when it does, the only option for more sleep is an earlier bedtime.

On the other hand, his owlishness completely disappears on Saturdays. We try to keep a consistent weekend bedtime, so if all worked well, he would still be about ready to rise at 7 AM weekends, like on weekdays. Or, based on how difficult it is to rouse him weekdays, maybe he should sleep in a bit on weekends.  Of course, this is not the case.

It is common for James to be the early bird in the house on weekends - usually the first one up. In this, he takes after me, or at least after what I used to be like before I started copying Jeremy's late hours as a way to get things done after kids were sleeping, and a way to see Jeremy once in a while.

Lately, I have been back on my regular early wake-up routine. Regardless of when I get to bed, I have been wide awake by about 5 AM each day for the past two weeks. Now this is extreme, even for me. I therefore can only blame it on the pregnancy. Perhaps my body is preparing for the sleep cycle of an infant, since the result of these early risings seems to be a 2 hour nap in the day and a 5-6 hour nighttime sleep.

Last night (Friday) I managed to make it all day without a nap, thinking that would put me on a more regular schedule. Alas. I was sound asleep on the couch at 8 PM. And of course, wide awake at 5 AM. I decided to just get up and be productive, this time.

Actually, it worked out pretty well. I made a lot of progress on work at that hour, when my brain is naturally most creative and alert. I spent an hour on my research project (weighing on me lately with a 2-month deadline for producing a conference paper), then spent 2 more hours on paperwork for my reappointment and promotion process at work (weighing on me a bit with a 1-month deadline, and a baby due in the midst of that). I felt pretty effective.

However, I apparently wasn't quiet enough. I carefully closed all the bedroom doors before going about my day, and avoided the microwave and other noisy activities. Still, at 5:30, James came creeping downstairs.

"James, it is way too early for you to be up. Go back to bed." He obeyed, but I could tell from his face it was too late. He was up and alert and wouldn't be going back to sleep today. Argh!

I checked on him at 6:00 and sure enough, he was lying awake in the dark, in his bed. I allowed him to read a book in bed, and then to get up at 6:30. We will all be paying for this in his attitude later today or tomorrow, no doubt. Waking up 2 hours early is not a good start for him.

I tried to trace the cause this time, but there are too many options. Turns out he has a cough that kept him awake off-and-on in the night and might have prevented him from going back to sleep. (We'll try the humidifier in his room tonight.) Perhaps more telling was what he told me later this morning - he got up at 5 AM to use the bathroom, and saw lights on downstairs. He said he thought that maybe Mrs. W. had come to stay so Jeremy and I could go to the hospital to have the baby, so he had to come down to investigate. I guess that makes sense. Once he had that thought, I am sure he was too wired to go back to sleep under any circumstances. At night, I often tell him to "turn off the brain" and go to sleep - he has trouble shutting down his racing thoughts so he can relax and drift off. I am sure it is just as difficult for him in the early AM as at night.

So, this time, I can chalk it up to ... illness, anticipation, a good week of sleep. Still, it would be nice to figure out how to make that boy sleep.

Strange reversal

After three kids, I am used to nighttime visitors. Which kid it is has varied over the years, but there is often someone in need of comfort in the night. John, though, has always been the most independent sleeper. That is not to say, he is the best at falling asleep, or staying asleep, or even staying in his own bed. But he has always shown the most preference for sleeping alone.

James - we moved him from our bed to his own twin around 18 months, I think. Jeremy had finally had enough of being crowded, and slept with him in the twin for a while until he got the hang of it. After that, he did pretty well - we have only had the occasional visit from him over the years, after that. However, he does like company. He likes to have someone lie down with him while he talks at bedtime. When he is sick or scared, he still slips into our room at night occasionally. He has always been the most nightmare-prone of our kids, and sometimes just needs to be in the room with us.

Maggie - around 12 months old, Maggie got moved out of our bed, I think. I can't recall if we never set the crib up for her at the new house, or if she just didn't like it or climbed out, but I recall a period of time where we put her to bed on the floor. We spread a quilt on the floor of her room, right behind the door, laid her in bed, and shut the door. She screamed and cried, and moved to the quilt, and within 5-10 minutes put herself to sleep crying on the quilt. We would then gently nudge the door open and plop her in bed for the night. It sounds a bit cruel now, but as I recall, she would not fall asleep with company. She needed to be left alone to cry. And, related or not, she is the best of any of the kids now at falling asleep - can do it on a dime. Which is not to say that she hasn't had her moments over the years, as well. When I was working full time (while she was two) she showed her lack of mommy time at night. She slept on our floor, next to me, almost every night. And, she still, at age 6, regularly wakes up Jeremy to escort her to the bathroom at night. We can sometimes prevent that by leaving the bathroom light on all night, but that seems extreme, too. (And besides, she is very well-trained to wake Jeremy and not me - gets it right 97% of the time, even when traveling or when we have switched sides of the bed. She learned this important trick while I was pregnant with John and needing my sleep - Jeremy got night duty with the oldest two.)

John - now he was a different story. After two kids who liked sleeping with us as infants, and did very well, I just assumed that was how we would do things. But John never settled well in our bed. He tossed and turned and couldn't get soundly asleep. Finally, around 6 months old, I tried laying him down in his (rarely used) crib. I sang him one song, he flopped over on his belly (he didn't get the memo on SIDS, I guess), tucked his feet up underneath him, stuck his behind in the air, and fell contentedly asleep. And that was where he stayed for quite some time. In fact, he slept on his own, in his crib, until he started climbing out routinely (around 18 months, maybe?) and we switched him to a twin bunk. Sure, he still came to our bed to nurse at night, but when done eating, he squirmed enough to make us all crazy until one of us returned him to his own space.

Unfortunately, all the parenting advice out there on bedtime issues say not to put a kid in a bed before age 3, since they can't understand the idea of the "imaginary" boundary to stay in bed. Thus, they need a crib. What then, to do with a 1 or 2-year-old who can't understand the non-imaginary boundary of a crib and tries to climb repeatedly to his death? So, we fought many a fight of putting him back in his bunk over the last few years, but always before he is asleep for the night. Once asleep, he only occasionally joins us in our bed. When he does, it is clearly for a reason, usually that he needs to be woken up enough to use the toilet, or he is cold. If we fix the problem, he will happily return to his own bed.

So last night was a strange experience for me. I had fallen asleep for an hour just before dinner, which totally messed up my sleep for the night. I invited Jeremy to watch Dr. Who with me, since I knew I wouldn't be early to bed anyway, and that is the only TV/video he will generally agree to watch if I want company. Unfortunately, this turned out to be one of the more horror-flick style episodes, and I share James's tendency to nightmares. So now, it was late, my sleep cycles were off, my pregnancy hormones were contributing to insomnia, my head cold was keeping me awake, and I had horror-film nightmares popping up every time I started to drift off. Not such a good night for sleeping.

Many hours into this semi-sleep misery, our door popped open. (It is hard to ignore now that the bathroom light blares in as soon as it opens.) In walked a silent John. No words, no fuss. He just marched up to the bed, peeled back the quilt, and slid in beside me.  He showed no apparent signs of his usual complaints - wouldn't use the bathroom and didn't feel cold. He just snuggled up to me and started snoring. This, from the kid who always wants to sleep alone? And yet, I soon drifted off myself, and for the first time all night, without any Dr. Who nightmares! When I woke it was morning, and I felt wonderful for having had several uninterrupted hours of sleep. Even more wonderful because I hadn't actually been crowded by John. At some point, he had put himself back in his own bed, where he was sleeping peacefully.

It made me wonder about the stories I hear of cats or dogs who can sense pain or illness in their owners, and just lie next to the hurt spot, apparently "willing" health back to their humans. It was like John sensed my nightmares from the next room, came in to comfort me, suceeded (!), and, his work done, plodded back to his own bed for the rest of the night. So much for mommy, the comforter. I needed a 3-year-old last night. Thankfully, I had one.

The best laid plans of 3-year-olds

John: Mommy, why do James and I have a bed like this, in bunks?

Mom: Because that is a good way to fit in lots of beds in not much space.

John: Hey, I have an idea ... we could move Maggie's bed into my room. Then we could move your bed into my room, too.

Mom: Hmm, so we could all be together? But I don't know if all the beds would fit in this room.

John: Yes, it would. We can put your bed right here, and Maggie's bed over here.

Mom: Then where would we put the baby's bed?

John: The new baby will sleep with me in my bed. I will take care of her.

Mom: That is nice of you.

John: Yeah. I will take care of her. I will teach her how to run and how to jump and how to fight. How to fight with swords.

Family Christmas photos

For those of you who are interested, I posted some family Christmas photos to web albums.

Jewett family Christmas on 12-24-2010 in Grand Blanc
http://picasaweb.google.com/JewettVanAntwerp/2010ChristmasEveInGrandBlanc?authkey=Gv1sRgCIzgs6z3mI7nHQ&feat=directlink

Our family Christmas at home (12-25-2010)
http://picasaweb.google.com/JewettVanAntwerp/2010ChristmasDayAtOurHouse?authkey=Gv1sRgCNXcsabcy9eCrwE&feat=directlink

Root family Christmas on 12-27-2010 at our house
http://picasaweb.google.com/JewettVanAntwerp/2010ChristmasWithTheRoots?feat=directlink


Please let me know if you have trouble viewing any of the photos that you are interested in seeing. (NOTE: I tried the links and they didn't work, so I added the full gobbledy-gook below the titles. Clicking on those seemed to work.)

Welcome to the New Year

We traveled this New Year's, a bit on a whim. Since I was 34 weeks pregnant, a road trip seemed questionable. We had discussed the possibility with our Minnesota friends, whom we have not infrequently visited for their annual New Year's Eve game party. Being a household of 10 on their own, they quite graciously said, "Come if you can; we don't need advance warning."

So, it was Tuesday night, 9 PM. We had just finished cleaning up from Day 2 of family Christmas parties (14 people here on Monday; 23 on Tuesday). We had the kids tucked in bed and asleep. I was exhausted. Jeremy checked the weather. "Tomorrow looks clear for our entire route but freezing rain might start by late tomorrow night." Guess that means leave tomorrow, bright and early, if we are going. So, we started packing. We called and left a message for our friends that we intended to leave when we woke up unless they called us back to renege on the offer. It wasn't our usual early departure that we prefer for the long drive, but we were on the road at 9 AM.

It was a pretty nice drive. The kids did great in the car. They chose to all sit together in the back row, where they were quite cute (from a mom's perspective) and they actually didn't even fight very much. Just as I thought John wouldn't make it, he fell asleep for a long nap and the big kids read to themselves peacefully. We allowed 5 stops, but we didn't dawdle for any of them! We didn't run into any precipitation until the last hour or so, when it was just starting to mist/rain a bit. I got a bit tense since the temperature was hovering at 32 degrees, but the roads stayed clear and dry enough for a safe arrival, with just 10 hours elapsed travel time.

The kids love our visits to these friends. With 8 other kids and all new toys it is like a big free-range funhouse for kids. Maggie played pretty constantly with the girl who is one year older. The other girl is 2 years younger than she is and tagged along much of the time. John also tagged along some, though he preferred the boy 2 years his senior, who was equally interested in sword fighting and superheroes. Thankfully this boy, being the youngest in a household of kids, knows how to duck and so is not easily intimidated by John. John also fell in love with the 15 year old boy, who is apparently something like the Pied Piper. His mother says young children, including his own 2 youngest siblings, always fight to be next to him. He carried John around, read books to him, and just generally inspired hero worship.

James likes having a ready supply of partners for playing board games, and could often be found with the boys his age (1 year younger, 1 and 2 years older) but he also really enjoys talking with the 15-year-old boy, who is quite good-natured about it and willing to chat about Civilizations 3 (James's favorite "new" old computer game) or anything else on James's mind. All three of the kids enjoyed the chance to play on a Wii, and some new movies to watch, a later bedtime, and having much less supervision than usual while parents were busy visiting themselves.

The New Year's Eve party was great fun, though a serious undertaking for game-lovers only. Our friends carefully plan the entire evening (guest list, timing of events, etc.) around a successful game night. This is a treat for us, since we rarely have enough company and time to play games. This year, the kids rotated through movies and Wii while the dozen or so adults enjoyed good group games: Four on a Couch, Catchphrase, Guesstures, and Say When.

John at midnight, going strong and enjoying a toast with Mom.

James, Me, Margaret are towards the back in the middle of this photo. John is reading (?) on the couch to our right.

Since I was thoroughly in vacation mode, I napped long and hard every afternoon, which meant even I could stay awake to enjoy ringing in the New Year with old friends and new (though actually, none were completely new, since we have visited these friends enough times at New Year's now to have met all of their other guests for this year). We had a quiet, slow recovery day on January 1, enjoying some games for smaller groups (Settlers of Catan, Wooly Bully, Agricola, plus learned some new ones like Transamerica and Dominion).

We had a longer than planned drive home, adding 2 or 3 hours to the trip to detour in Wisconsin and briefly visit some childhood friends of Jeremy's who had suiffered a death in the family. It was good that we could be in the right place at the right time to make that feasible. The kids were more tired and crabby than on the drive out, but still did remarkably well. Jeremy and I had time to talk and rest, as well.

We arrived home late and tired, but just as we approached home, the Krispy Kreme "free donuts" sign flashed its last hurrah for the evening. Jeremy stopped and got everyone a free sugar ring as a dinner substitute (though we did still encourage the kids to eat some eggs and toast before bed, as well). It was about 10 PM by the time we got everyone tucked in bed for school the next morning, but it was a good kind of tired. (Hopefully I will still feel that way later this week as the fatigue continues and becomes the grumpies.)

So, a crazy, whirlwind trip. But kind of a fun last fling, too, as we look ahead to a new pace of life dominated again by a newborn. Jeremy reflected on how it was nice to open and close our holiday/vacation time with visits with really great, lifelong friends from far away. (We had been able to see our other "kindred spirits" friends, from far in the opposite direction, briefly just before Christmas.) It was good to be with friends - the kind that we can pick up with where we left off, whether it has been a few weeks or more than a year. That is a treasure enough to fill any year, new or old.