Kids cut to the heart

I know I have a tendency to be a bit short with the kids. When they act as if they can't hear me, or drag their feet when we are in a hurry, I am quick to lose my temper and bark at them. They never complain out loud, though I can sometimes see dismay on their faces when I shout. This of course kicks in the remorse on my part (though at least I then know they have started listening). But John found the fastest, sharpest way to jab in the knife of mommy-guilt this week.

I was herding him into the car, yet again. I had done my part right this time. I had gotten enough sleep the night before. I had started the departure process with lots of time to spare. I wasn't trying to do other things as we left (start the dishwasher, restock the diaper bag, remember the grocery list and school bag, etc.) so John had my full attention. Apparently, this made a difference. As I was calmly repeating, for the 3rd or 4th time, "John, it is time to sit in your seat and put your seat belt on," he looked up at me with big, innocent eyes and said, "Mommy, why are you being so nice today?"

Growing

Helen at 2.5 weeks



Helen at 5.5 weeks



I notice how fast Helen is growing all the time, but it seems most apparent when I am nursing her (she doesn't fit in just one arm anymore) or when I am bathing her  (she just keeps growing out of the tub). In fact, at 6 weeks old, I removed the green "newborn" sling that you see in the photos above (for obvious reasons) and put her right into the tub below.

I have already started packing away outfits that hung ridiculously off her tiny frame just 6 weeks ago. Being a data-driven kind of person, I was curious for some concrete facts about her growth. The best option I have at home is our digital bathroom scale, which reads to the nearest half-pound. Thus, I can stand on it alone and again holding Helen, and get her weight to within +/- one pound.

Today (6 weeks and 5 days old) she weighed in at 11 pounds (meaning 10-12 pounds). Even if she is only 10, that is a pretty impressive gain from the 6 pounds at which she came home from the hospital, just 46 days ago.

She is definitely done with being a newborn. If she is awake, she wants no part of snuggling up close to my chest anymore. She pushes back with all her might so that she can look around. If I lay her on her tummy, she pushes up with her arms and looks all around. She wiggles constantly - apparently what they say about in utero activity indicating a lifelong activity temperament has some truth. We may not be ready for another child this active!

Helen at 4 weeks



Helen at 5 weeks

Baby love

James, like Maggie and John, seems infatuated with Helen. After spending two nights at Grandpa Tom's house, away from Helen, he was anxious to see her. James asked to hold Helen, then asked her to tell him a secret. He leaned his ear down close to her mouth to listen.

Helen obliged him by promptly spitting up in his ear.

Baby charades

Apparently, James is taking his English homework seriously these days. In 4th grade, they are learning grammar - diagramming sentences, and all that joy. James also really adores his baby sister. The combination can be amusing. Just now, James paused in his homework to go talk to Helen, who was laying on her blanket on the floor.

"Helen, can you act out an adjective that describes a baby or a puppy?"

[brief pause]

"Perfect! Good job! How did you know I was thinking of the adjective 'cute'?"

[Helen gave a satisfied squeal in response.]

Moral development of a 3-year-old

Is it John, or is it Spiderman? All I know for sure is that his shirt talks, and it says, "It's web-slinging time."

I know that kids go through standard stages of moral development. But I do wish that I had paid more attention in that developmental psychology course that I took 20 years ago at MSU. Now, when John begins to do a new something outrageous, I am never quite sure if it is just a sign that he is entering a new developmental phase, or if it is really just because he is "being John."

His current thing is lying. He can do it without batting an eye. He often does this when adults ask him questions - he just makes up the answer that seems the most interesting to him, I guess. Of course, I often have to explain this to adults since they otherwise look at me in confusion based on his answers. Recently, a generous person to whom I had to report, "He's lying" just smiled and said, "At this age, we call it pretending." Hmm, I wonder at what age we outgrow that? If one decides to follow a career in politics, then apparently, never.

Today, I was trying to tell John how proud I was of him for something he had accomplished. "Wow, that was great! I can't believe you did that. You must be really big. How old are you? Are you... five?" Without missing a beat, John calmly answered, "Yes!"

John and Helen

John loves being a big brother. And he loves Helen. He really does! Given his rambunctious personality, I keep expecting him to get bored with her, but he really hasn't. Okay, he is sometimes a bit over-enthusiastic in touching her, but he adores her and wants to do the right thing.



Proud big brother (Helen is 1 day old).


In the morning when he wakes up, she is the first person that he goes looking for. He will breeze right past Jeremy or I now as he seeks his sister out for a good-morning kiss. If he can't find her, he gets very peeved with us.

John crawled into our bed with Helen (1 week old) and kicked us out.

Today I had her sitting up, in her carseat carrier, by the table as we ate breakfast. John was sitting at the table on a barstool, for a bit of extra height. In the midst of his meal, he hopped up, dragged the stool away, and pulled up a regular chair. I asked him why. "Helen wants to see me better. I need to be lower."



John is all wet because he climbed right in the tub to help with Helen's bath. (2-15-2011) 



He gets very upset when Helen cries. Of course, I can hear her, but can't always attend to her as quickly as she (or he) might like. John will come running up to me saying, "Helen is crying. You need to feed her right now!" (Actually, all the kids have learned this idea - if the baby is crying, she must be hungry. That makes it Mom's problem, so fix it!)

Sometimes I feel like he completely ignores everything I say to him, but today he proved that at least he is listening (even if never acknowledging). He announced proudly to me: "I gave Helen a kiss on her cheek...but it was a gentle kiss! I didn't leave any slobber on her - see?"

Helen is 6 days old.

Of babysitters, cooking, and launching successful kids

We hired our first sitter since... a long time, now. Other than grandparents (who helped extensively before and after Helen's birth), our last sitter was months ago. Several times during the fall, we had a neighbor teen come over to cover the 60-90 minute gap between Jeremy's evening class and my evening meetings. He just showed up after dinner, got the kids put to bed, and left. Other than that, I can't even recall the last time we hired a sitter.
But in the last few weeks, the kids have actually been asking for a sitter. (Hmm, why does that make me so nervous?) Then Jeremy got word that an old classmate of his would be in town and wanted to go to dinner. It seemed like a good opportunity for a "date" (if you can call it that when we took along Helen and met 3 other people for dinner).

So Friday night was the first time using a hired sitter in a long time. And I guess I am out of practice. Maggie had specifically requested "a girl." Our two most recent sitters have been male, so this seemed fair. We contacted a 16-year-old girl from church. She had never babysat for us but I knew she did a fair amount of it.

My usual routine if we leave the kids at dinnertime is chicken nuggets or mac-n-cheese. But we are on a new healthy eating routine (including dairy-free) so I hated to blow that. Thus, I managed to get spaghetti sauce in the crock pot and ready for our departure time. I had the table set and the noodles cooked when Lisa arrived. As an afterthought, I pulled out a brownie mix. After all, healthy eating is one thing but life without an occasional dessert is bleak. I set out the bowl, oil, measuring cup, pan, and nonstick spray. It seemed pretty straightforward. I suggested to Lisa that the kids would enjoy helping her make these after dinner and they could all have a bedtime snack.

We were gone nearly four hours, and the kids were asleep when we returned. The kitchen was reasonably cleaned up and the house had a yummy chocolate aroma. Lisa, though, looked a bit sheepish. She immediately confessed to us that "the brownies didn't look right when I took them out so I gave each of the kids a corner that looked cooked enough and threw the rest in the trash." Okay.  Not that big a deal to lose a brownie mix. (Well, except that I had been thinking about eating one myself, having skipped all the dairy-containing desserts at the restaurant under some personal strain.)

So, I wasn't really upset, but I was perplexed. I mean, really. How can you screw up a a box-mix brownie? I pried a few details out of James the next day. It sounded like there were multiple errors - no preheating of the oven, so they didn't get done in the time listed on the box. James said they kept putting them back in the oven for a few more minutes and eventually gave up. (I can understand this one - it would be hard to tell if brownies are done by just looking if you have screwed up the cook time by skipping the preheat.) He said there was also a serious "stick to the pan" problem - apparently Lisa overlooked the baking spray I had left out. Still, James seemed a bit irked that Lisa had thrown the bulk of the batch out. "I would have eaten it. It was still good!") Here, I have to give her some sitter credit - while I probably would have let the kids eat it even if only partially cooked, it is wise not to feed potentially raw eggs to someone else's kids.

I thought it over, and decided this isn't as unbelievable as it at first seemed to me. After all, Lisa is only 16. I really wasn't cooking anything substantial at that age. I could follow a recipe, mind you, and she had one. But she was in a strange kitchen with unfamiliar oven controls, etc. I guess it could happen. Still, it gave me new resolve to stretch my own kids more. Sure, I can cook or bake faster on my own. But before any one of them turns 16, I would expect them to competently bake brownies from scratch, let alone from a box. (Brownies, after all, top the list of essential food survival items.) And I don't suppose they will get there spontaneously.

So, parenting resolution of the week - let (make?) kids cook more on their own, even when it makes me crazy. (And, hide my craziness so that they can learn to enjoy it rather than associate it with the screaming mother.)

P.S. We already have a plan underway to make them a cookbook "to go." As Jeremy or I make anything that we particularly like or that becomes a family favorite, we take a photo. Eventually, we plan to get a family cookbook printed (recipes and photos) to send with each kid as they move out on their own. Now, I recognize that sending them with the book may not be enough. We will need to have them making these things while they are still under our roof. Fortunately, they all show some interest in this.

James, in particular, loves to fix food. He is always willing to make lunch for himself AND for anyone else who asks. His repertoire is limited but he loves to invent and if you are feeling adventurous, he will put together something new for you.